Now this is a Super Sweet Sixteen

And I had lots of friends help so it didn't cost the thousands of dollars like those one on MTV's "My Super Sweet 16". But this is a huge reason why I have been so silent lately. Her birthday is really on the 31st, but we had the party last night. Lots of dancing. Lots of music. So much fun! We had several of the guests tell us it was the best birthday party they'd ever been to. I thought sure the "semi-formal" tag on the invitation would slow the attendance, but everybody really got into shopping for their clothes and there were so many good sales on party dresses. A couple of the girls said they got their dresses for $8! The prom dress my daughter wore was on $60! Everyone had a great time and I didn't cry. I thought I would. She really was beautiful though.
 
 
 

Dry

This year is dry in more ways than just the weather. I am dry. In my writing, my photography, my spiritual life...I just feel dehydrated.

I think a large part of it is that while God moved so strongly in me last year. I grew so fast and I think in some ways I was over exuberant. I wondered if I did something to blackball myself, but in some very exciting places that I was figuring I would get involved, I ended up feeling like I got the cold shoulder.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep tonight thinking about it all. It's so late that I'm not sure I could possibly organize my thoughts enough to make sense. All the passion I had last year is gone and I wonder if I didn't over do. I try not to place blame, but the only thing I can think of that I may have done...it's embarassing, but I wonder if in my exuberance, I made an ass of myself. I honestly don't know.

All I know is that an organization that I had hoped to get fully involved with had welcomed me with open arms, but later started dropping me off e-mail newsletters and announcements, stopped calling, even put me off after I did a mass mailing for them and offered to do it the next time. They would say, "we'll call you" and never did. I don't think I did anything wrong. No one indicated that I had done anything wrong, but the last few times I was around I had the feeling that I was on the outside. Like everyond else knew what was going on. Eventually I didn't hear from any of them anymore.

I also had thought that another opportunity was opening up closer to home-more with my home church, but I felt like the thought there was that they didn't want to single out any individual issue, but rather address ALL needs collectively. I just don't know. Why did God lead me where He did and light such a fire in me just to have it doused?

I have moved on, but still I wonder. Moving on has meant that basically, I do nothing. I help out at church, but the passion for it isn't there. I am willing to do whatever is necessary, but I don't have a desire to do anything.

Dry, parched, desert-like. I don't feel that I am far from God or even stagnant for that matter. I just feel dried up and withering like my plants outside.

Speaking of my plants, we need rain bad. I've never seen it go so long without rain in Tennessee and I've lived here all my life. I need rain in my life too. I seem to recall an old chorus that went:

Send down the rain, Lord!
Send down the rain, Lord!
Send down the latter rain!

As a young mom, I remember the fire and passion I had for being a wife and mom. My children are nearly grown now and I seem to have lost what my life was about. I am detached from life. I sleep through life. Maybe it's the diabetes talking, but truthfully, I would rather life end now that live it like this. No quality, No attachment. Dry. Truly this is a late night rant. I will feel better in the morning. But do pray for rain. Both physical and spiritual.

Know that you aren't raising boys, your raising men.

18 years ago, I had the easiest of all of my births, but began the toughest job of my life. My oldest son was born and I began to raise a man.

I think one of the most profound of God's creation is a man. If you watch them closely, you can see that under their tough exterior is a little boy that wants love and affection and likes to play, but when it comes to having to make a stand to protect what he holds dear, he will fight to the death to do so. He can be fearful of many things and yet shove it aside to do what needs to be done. He can be oh so tender, yet put all emotion aside to get the job done. Yes, women bash men alot, I am so guilty myself, but let me remind you that you bash the very thing that little boy will become...and what God says was made in His image. Keep the latter in mind when dealing with that young boy in your care.

This slide show was meant to be funny and a little embarrassing for my son, but truthfully, I get misty-eyed over it because this little stinker in these pictures is now 6'1" and 228 lbs. Yeah, I miss him being small enough to hold. But I miss even more, him wanting to be held.

As graceful as any ballerina

and as fierce as any boy. There is no question what her passion is. I love the look of concentration, the way every facial muscle is focused on the effort. It takes 1/7 of a second for her to make that full windmill. Already she has accomplished way more than I.

 
 
 
 

God Does Restore the Years...

I am part of the MTV generation. I wanted nothing more than to make music videos. I started out in film at MTSU. The enrollment in the department was down so dramatically that they dropped the whole dept. So I switch to television. I "fall in love" (HA). I leave MTSU to go to a community college closer to home where "he" was. They have a television major, but it is an associates degree instead of the bachelor's that I started out working on. I get married and pregnant (not necessarily in that order). I take a break. I have my oldest. I get divorced. I go back to school. I do an internship with the Crook and Chase show with only aobut 10 hours left to get my degree. I discover that it's who you know and I don't know anybody. I also discover I have lost my "edge" to pursue those vital "knowings" since Meggie was born. I quit. Dream shoved somewhere deep in a diaper bag.

Tonight. Tonight, I made a music video. I got to run a camera for a production crew doing a dance video. So much fun! The easiest money I ever made! And the most satisfying. Thank You, God for that opportunity. It was so much fun!!!! Thank You, thank You, thank You!

Wednesday Night, Starbucks, San Antonio, and Sarah:-)

 

I got to meet my first blog buddy, Sarah. You can read more about her by clicking on her link in my blogroll.
I had a GREAT time, Sarah! [WAVES]

Playing on the beach

 
 
These are my contributions to the fun. The horse was my tribute to Barbaro since it was almost a year to the day when he won the Kentucky Derby.