My focus over the last 2-3 years has been so...off. I can't think of how else to describe it. I keep remembering 2 Thesalonians 2:3 that tells us not to let any man deceive us because in the last days, there will be a "falling away". After our former church losing it's focus and literally being in the throes of death until another church took over and the former lost all identity, I started to notice how scripture was no longer the focus of the "church" we were in. I just had a bad, bad feeling about that. I even had dreams, that I believe were prophetic warnings in nature and that have been fulfilled. We should have gotten out of there long ago. We should have heeded those warnings. Looking back, while I don't think that anyone there is aware of it, they have gotten more into the "all roads lead to heaven" theology. While I DO believe in a totally merciful God, I also believe that he provided a way for us and it is only ONE way. Is that arrogant as so many who are unchurched seem to think? Well, it wasn't me that said, "I am the way and no one comes to the Father but through Me." I think it is rather arrogant for someone to reject that way without even fully exploring it. Yes, of course it's hard. Denying yourself the things of the flesh that would bring pleasure IS hard, but is anything worthwhile easy?
Anyway, I don't think I have been deceived, as such, but I have become complacent and allowed my spiritual self to become lax and lazy. I have all but done away with reading the Bible Easy to find excuses when you go back to work and start school, but extremely detrimental-Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I stopped going to church for at least a year which was extremely destructive to our family that now cannot agree on which church to attend. Not to mention that I don't feel like I have an extended family around me anymore to support us in times of need. There is a reason God tells us not to forsake the assembly. That is how we surround ourselves with people who love and care for us and who will drop everything to help us when we need it. Of course those are the people we will also look out for and help out. My prayer life became next to nonexistent as I would begin a prayer, get sidetracked and end up only repeating myself over and over again as I tried to remember where I left off. My mind just wandered too much. Instead of praying without ceasing, I would turn on the TV to drown out my thoughts. Of course all of this led to the "old man" being able to try to resurrect himself and wheedle his way back into my thought processing. This has been probably the biggest reason the desert I have found myself in. It is time to leave that desert and bury that old man for good. That is NOT who I am and I refuse to let him define me.
All of this is to say, that I am keenly convicted that the time is near and I need to be trimming my wick and filling my lamp with oil. I fully believe the Bridegrooom is on His way and I do not want to be caught unprepared. I have received my wake up call.
This blog is not meant for a readership. I fully believe that if someone needs to read these words, that God will send them here. I have noticed that it has at times been a source of vanity, so it is for this reason that I am going to turn the comments off. It's not because I don't want anyone disagreeing with me. It's because I like people agreeing with me too much. This blog is merely my attempt to capture the lessons God is teaching me at any given moment. It started out that way. I want it to BE that way. So hopefully this will be a little less randomness and a little more focused. Here's to a refreshing new start.