Kanye West-you suck

I am not really a Taylor Swift fan. She's okay, but...well anyway, Kanye, you suck. That had to be the most tasteless and rude thing I have ever seen. I hope someone does that to you someday. Better yet, I hope you NEVER win another award as long as you live.

I don't agree (am I gonna be called out?)and my suggestion for health care.

I am finding that, more and more, I am having trouble defining myself. Certainly I have deep rooted beliefs that are unshakable, but the more I learn, the more I have to refine what I believe. They are not different, just tweaked. I have always considered myself a conservative, but over the last few years, I identify less and less with the conservative crowd. I am not, nor will I ever be liberal...or is it progressive now-just another name for the same thing. It's not that my fundamental, core, beliefs have changed, but I have better learned how to define them. I have discovered that what I believe, isn't really all that conservative. If I have to place myself in a category, I have to say I am libertarian. I also find myself dividing my personal beliefs and my political beliefs. There again, they haven't changed, I have just come to know that what I believe for myself, would never work on a state-wide or national level. It isn't that what I think is right and wrong have changed, I've just realized that some people are going to go about right and wrong in a different way than I would.

When I was discovering these things about myself, I began to realize that I was loathe to disassociate myself with what I had always considered myself to be. Lately though, during all the debate over health care, I have noticed that we are all like that to a certain extent. How many people get angry over an issue just because the party they affiliate themselves with tells them to. I just think that the ability to think for ourselves is lost. Certainly it isn't taught in schools. We are given a lesson and tested over it and that becomes the extent of our knowledge. At what point do we stop letting ourselves be spoon fed information and use common sense? Why do we not question what we here on the television. Why do we vote for crooked people based on how much more crooked and hateful they can convince us that the other guy is? Why do we not think beyond the 30 second sound bite? You can't possibly learn about the issues in 30 seconds!

Have we all just become mind-numbed zombies?

That said, I will always use Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, and Sean Hannity as sources of information. I don't agree with EVERYthing they say, but I do agree with a lot of it. Even still, they have certainly done a lot more research than some of their counterparts. However, I will not follow a party line. I didn't know it, but I never really have.

To take issue with the health care situation: Nobody, I mean NOBODY thinks health care should remain status quo. It's foolish and mean to suggest that. I do believe with everything that's in me that allowing the government to have any hand other than regulating some things within the industry, is also very foolish. See regulating an industry is far less permanent than government control. Once the government starts promising free lunches, those that are actually getting the free part of that lunch, become dependent on it and you can't take it back. Then the ones who are stuck with the bill become resentful and...well, broke! And there is no way on God's green earth that Obama will ever pull any "savings" out of medicare or his butt or anything else he may say he's gonna reach into. If that were possible, it should be done ANYWAY.

As to playing partisan politics, Mr. President, you won't even let the other side have a say in the debate. Who is being partisan? I'm just calling you out on that, Mr. President. If you must do something, regulate and reform. Do not take over. Give incentives for living healthy, continue with tax incentives for health savings and allow people to carry the money over from year to year, so that if there is something elective that they want-like an adult wanting braces-they can save and plan for it. Encourage employers to purchase high deductible plans for their employees, saving the company money and covering the employee for catastrophic events and let companies compete to sell supplemental plans for those who can and want to afford it. Under no circumstances should anyone illegal be given a free ride and emergency room visits should be paid for so that it is not abused. People who are on welfare should have some of their check used to help pay for their health care. No one should get it for free because it tends to be abused and overused costing everyone more in the long run. If it costs, it will be appreciated.

I know these aren't perfect suggestions, but they are sure a heck of a lot better than what's on the table now.

Back to School and There Again

Odd title? Yes, but it is referring to the fact that I started school this week. Again. At the same school I started at 26 years ago! Memories have been flooding back like crazy. The campus has changed so much, but all the elements that were in place when I was there before are still there.

In 1983, I moved into High Rise West-now Corlew Hall. The building is gutted now with renovations, but it only serves to make the feelings i have more haunting. Every time I walk by it, I can see us sitting in the windows watching the people walk by, and of course shouting down to someone every now and then.

I haven't been inside of the University Center yet. It was the hub of all the activity back in the day and was one of the largest buildings on campus. In 1983, the two high rise dorms sat off kind of by themselves and the UC was the first building you came to as you walked toward the class buildings. Now, the UC and the high rise dorms are surrounded by classroom buildings and the UC is absolutely dwarfed by the Business and Science building that stands just on the other side of high ri...I mean Corlew. Heck, Corlew is dwarfed by the BAS with the exception that it is several floors taller. Anyway, I hardly even noticed the UC as I walked past it.

Peck Hall and Kirksey Old Main are still there, and the weirdo's still hang out at Peck Hall for some reason. It has this courtyard thing going on on the bottom floor and there was always the wierdest looking people hanging out down there. Nothing's changed there. I remember once there was a guy that hung out around Peck Hall wearing sackcloth and carrying a Cross and a HUGE "REPENT" sign. That was the only time I've ever seen that outside of a movie.

There are about 3 times more people, 5 times as many cars, and about half the parking there once was! They have a soccer field where the biggest parking lot I've ever seen once was. There is still a portion of it for the football and arena parking, but the largest portion of it is gone for the soccer stadium (Couldn't they just use the football stadium?). We used to call that parking lot BFE. I won't go into what that stood for, but we called it that because it was SO FAR AWAY from everything.

Oh and the main parking lot across from the high rise dorms is now gone. I wonder where the people in those dorms park now.

There is so much congestion on the campus now, I don't know how those who ride bikes get around. The sidewalks are packed, the streets are packed, even the classrooms are packed! I think only one of my classes is not completely full and I think the only reason for that is that it is meeting in a computer lab...it's a Spanish class! I think it may have been a last minute decision to put us in that particular room.

Well, all and all, I am happy with my classes. I'm afraid of the coursework to come, but enjoy the teachers and the content so far. There is one that talks very slow, but what he says is so interesting that it makes up for it. I just notice that I tend to get lost in the long pauses though. He asked me a question today and I was taken by surprise because I thought he had already moved on from that topic. I guess I had zoned out a bit and didn't hear part of the question. No biggie. I had the answer:-)

Procrastinating

I just can't seem to get anything done today. I simply am not motivated to do anything but play with my computer. I have several things I NEED to accomplish before I go back to school, but at this rate, there is no way it will happen.

This blog entry is nothing more than putting off what I need to do. Thus the title.

I Miss Writing

Writing used to come so easy to me. Sometimes, I would sit to write something and the words would come spilling out of me. I even had times when I felt that my fingers couldn't move fast enough to capture all the words falling out of my head. Much of what I typed seemed to come straight from God. It was wonderful. I loved it. It was a form of expression for me that I thrived on.

Now it's a little different. I often get a snippet or phrase that comes to me that I want to write down, but am not in a place where I can. The thought is often gone long before I am in a place where I can capture it. Then to actually make myself sit still long enough to expound on any thought is almost as hard as having a thought to expound upon.

I know that ideas are still in me somewhere, and I pray that God bring all those thoughts that I felt were worth capturing, back around for me to actually do so. I have always felt that words, once let out, were like part of us that live on forever. Certainly I felt this way about written words, but I also feel that way about spoken words. Matthew 12:36 says that we will hold account for every careless word. Somehow I imagine every word we write or speak, floating around out there in space for God to catch and save for us. I think of the opposite of that scripture as being that we will be praised for the good words we say or write. That if he saves the bad ones for us to account for, then surely the good ones are saved for our benefit.

Besides what the Bible says, I have read that sound waves go on forever. I've even read about some that believe if a such a receiver could be devised, that we could capture ancient words and listen in on conversations from across time. It's a fanciful and imaginative idea, but I kind of like the idea that what we speak today may be heard hundreds of years from now. This can't even begin to compare with the ideas I have about the written word. I mean think about the authors of the dead sea scrolls. Do you think they ever imagined that there words would be such a source of mystery so long after they are gone? To me, it's almost like letting a part of me get away if I can't save what I have written.

So now, to not even seem to be able to put any words together is painful. It has always been such a part of me. It has never mattered much to me about whether people reading it liked it as it was that I was able to get words out. I have read the Five Love Languages and I am very much a "words" person. I speak love with words and I HEAR love through words. (I'm also a gifts person, so write me a letter, something with words that I can hold in my hands, and I am a VERY happy girl). I know that you service/touch/quality time people could never understand this, but being able to write-to set my words free-is very much like eating good food to me. I don't have to have it to live, but it sure makes the things I do have to do, more enjoyable. The words I have written in the past are important enough to me that I do things to protect them and feel a loss if they are destroyed. I don't suppose it is the actual word that I mourn so much as the idea behind it, but if the words are gone, I feel the idea is lost as well.

I do feel that someday the block will be removed and God will once again allow me to form a decent, formal thought long enough to put it on paper, or in this case, in my computer's memory. But till then, I will just keep trying periodically to force the action with the hope that the inspiration will follow and in turn, more action will come on its own.

Hopefully, this will happen before school starts back so I can put it to use in my writing assignments. Did I mention that writing used to come easy to me? Oh yeah, I used to be able to BS a paper without even thinking about it. Not anymore.

Where's my Pell Grant?

I got my financial aid award letter earlier this summer and it said I had a $488 Pell Grant. I just got a letter from the school saying "changes had been made" to my award and I needed to log in to see what they were. Well...MY PELL GRANT IS GONE! Why? How? I thought Obama was supposed to save us all not sink us further in to debt!!! UGH!

New Year

To me, the beginning of the new school year is more of a time for "resolutions" than January 1. I always see it as a new beginning. I always make promises to myself to be more organized, more disciplined, and quite frankly, BETTER. This year is no exception to the rule with the added pressure of actually beginning a new career track for myself. If ever I needed to be more organized and disciplined, NOW is the time. I haven't taken a full load of university level courses in 25 years. I definitely haven't tried juggling a full time course load AND a job. So in the next few weeks, I am going to have to become organized to a level that I have never before achieved.

I've got my fingers crossed.

Me, with handfuls of my hair.

I often have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. I go through spells of having too much to the point of being so overwhelmed that I can't make up my mind what to do next, and then having absolutely nothing to do but get up, go to work, eat, and sleep. I absolutely thrive on the way-too-busy times. I hate it and I love it.

What always keeps me going during the craziest part of the busy time, is the thought that just around the corner, is time.

I think I lost sight of that corner.