Wednesday, September 16, 2009

When will I ever learn?

I am a master of jumping the gun. I cannot seem to learn the lesson about God's timing. Let me tell you about a couple of them.

26 years ago, I followed what the world projects as the "proper order of things" and went off to college right out of high school. I never even prayed about it. It was just what "you do". Somewhere during the second year, I dropped out for a boy that I thought I was in love with-Shannon Murray ****** (last name withheld). Two years after that, I had been married, abused, became a mother and was divorced (not necessarily in that order but in that amount of time). A year after that marraige was over, I met Shane. A year after that we were married. Within a year after we were married, we moved to Murray, KY. I just have to wonder what would have happened if I had skipped Shannon Murray ****** and just waited 5 or six years for Shane in Murray.

Fast forward a few years and Shane and I are looking for a new house in Murray, KY. We found an older Arts and Crafts bungalow that I simply fell in love with. It had an apartment that we felt could be easily rented out in the college town for part of the mortgage payment. The bank turned us down flat and even threw in what felt like an insult by saying that we didn't even qualify for a loan equal to what our current home was worth! I felt like my dream had died and I mourned fittingly. In fact, looking back I am embarrassed at my reaction. Wailing would be a good description but might be a little on the conservative side. Well, we ended up in Nashville a couple of years later and guess what-when we went back to Murray to close on the sale of our house, we drove by the bungalow and it was torn down! I was sick. Not for the loss of the house I loved, but for the way I had acted when God had merely been protecting us.

These are just the most apparent tales of my uncanny ability to miss God's timing. I have always been impatient with making money decisions too and those decisions have spelled near disaster for our family. But those were more subtle instances that took years to reveal themselves.

I just gotta wonder...When will I ever learn?