I often have a tendency to bite off more than I can chew. I go through spells of having too much to the point of being so overwhelmed that I can't make up my mind what to do next, and then having absolutely nothing to do but get up, go to work, eat, and sleep. I absolutely thrive on the way-too-busy times. I hate it and I love it.
What always keeps me going during the craziest part of the busy time, is the thought that just around the corner, is time.
I think I lost sight of that corner.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Time to get back to what's real.
My focus over the last 2-3 years has been so...off. I can't think of how else to describe it. I keep remembering 2 Thesalonians 2:3 that tells us not to let any man deceive us because in the last days, there will be a "falling away". After our former church losing it's focus and literally being in the throes of death until another church took over and the former lost all identity, I started to notice how scripture was no longer the focus of the "church" we were in. I just had a bad, bad feeling about that. I even had dreams, that I believe were prophetic warnings in nature and that have been fulfilled. We should have gotten out of there long ago. We should have heeded those warnings. Looking back, while I don't think that anyone there is aware of it, they have gotten more into the "all roads lead to heaven" theology. While I DO believe in a totally merciful God, I also believe that he provided a way for us and it is only ONE way. Is that arrogant as so many who are unchurched seem to think? Well, it wasn't me that said, "I am the way and no one comes to the Father but through Me." I think it is rather arrogant for someone to reject that way without even fully exploring it. Yes, of course it's hard. Denying yourself the things of the flesh that would bring pleasure IS hard, but is anything worthwhile easy?
Anyway, I don't think I have been deceived, as such, but I have become complacent and allowed my spiritual self to become lax and lazy. I have all but done away with reading the Bible Easy to find excuses when you go back to work and start school, but extremely detrimental-Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I stopped going to church for at least a year which was extremely destructive to our family that now cannot agree on which church to attend. Not to mention that I don't feel like I have an extended family around me anymore to support us in times of need. There is a reason God tells us not to forsake the assembly. That is how we surround ourselves with people who love and care for us and who will drop everything to help us when we need it. Of course those are the people we will also look out for and help out. My prayer life became next to nonexistent as I would begin a prayer, get sidetracked and end up only repeating myself over and over again as I tried to remember where I left off. My mind just wandered too much. Instead of praying without ceasing, I would turn on the TV to drown out my thoughts. Of course all of this led to the "old man" being able to try to resurrect himself and wheedle his way back into my thought processing. This has been probably the biggest reason the desert I have found myself in. It is time to leave that desert and bury that old man for good. That is NOT who I am and I refuse to let him define me.
All of this is to say, that I am keenly convicted that the time is near and I need to be trimming my wick and filling my lamp with oil. I fully believe the Bridegrooom is on His way and I do not want to be caught unprepared. I have received my wake up call.
This blog is not meant for a readership. I fully believe that if someone needs to read these words, that God will send them here. I have noticed that it has at times been a source of vanity, so it is for this reason that I am going to turn the comments off. It's not because I don't want anyone disagreeing with me. It's because I like people agreeing with me too much. This blog is merely my attempt to capture the lessons God is teaching me at any given moment. It started out that way. I want it to BE that way. So hopefully this will be a little less randomness and a little more focused. Here's to a refreshing new start.
Anyway, I don't think I have been deceived, as such, but I have become complacent and allowed my spiritual self to become lax and lazy. I have all but done away with reading the Bible Easy to find excuses when you go back to work and start school, but extremely detrimental-Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God. I stopped going to church for at least a year which was extremely destructive to our family that now cannot agree on which church to attend. Not to mention that I don't feel like I have an extended family around me anymore to support us in times of need. There is a reason God tells us not to forsake the assembly. That is how we surround ourselves with people who love and care for us and who will drop everything to help us when we need it. Of course those are the people we will also look out for and help out. My prayer life became next to nonexistent as I would begin a prayer, get sidetracked and end up only repeating myself over and over again as I tried to remember where I left off. My mind just wandered too much. Instead of praying without ceasing, I would turn on the TV to drown out my thoughts. Of course all of this led to the "old man" being able to try to resurrect himself and wheedle his way back into my thought processing. This has been probably the biggest reason the desert I have found myself in. It is time to leave that desert and bury that old man for good. That is NOT who I am and I refuse to let him define me.
All of this is to say, that I am keenly convicted that the time is near and I need to be trimming my wick and filling my lamp with oil. I fully believe the Bridegrooom is on His way and I do not want to be caught unprepared. I have received my wake up call.
This blog is not meant for a readership. I fully believe that if someone needs to read these words, that God will send them here. I have noticed that it has at times been a source of vanity, so it is for this reason that I am going to turn the comments off. It's not because I don't want anyone disagreeing with me. It's because I like people agreeing with me too much. This blog is merely my attempt to capture the lessons God is teaching me at any given moment. It started out that way. I want it to BE that way. So hopefully this will be a little less randomness and a little more focused. Here's to a refreshing new start.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Taking Stock
A friend's husband died this week and I went to the funeral. This was one of those funerals that you actually enjoy. No one is really sad except for the fact that he will be terribly missed. Everyone is absolutely sure that this man is now with Jesus, so the "funeral" is more of a celebration. Sure there are tears, but they are more a testament to how wonderful this man was rather than sadness over his passing. These are the things that I carried away with me from this funeral:
Church home and family are important. Over the last year, we have not been actively involved in a church and we have not really stayed in touch with people we called friends, at the one we left. I have really been feeling a void there lately. It left me wondering what we would do in difficult times without our "family". Now I am more convinced than ever that we NEED that family to support us in good times and bad and to be available to support them as well. We would get by without them, but it is so much easier with their love and support.
You must let your family know you love them. Sure you have to discipline your kids. Sure you can joke around with them. But it is vital for them to know you love them and are proud of them. They must be able to know when you are serious and when you are playing around. You can't let them think you are never serious because they will push too far and not respond to correction for thinking you are still teasing. Lots of hugs and warmth are imperative. Being involved in their lives is a must. Kids especially tend to think you don't care if you don't watch them accomplish and succeed.
The bond of friendship is seldom easy, but worth it. It's so hard to invite people over with the house a mess. It's even harder to get and invitation to someone else's home when you have lots of kids. So bite the bullet and clean house so company can come over. And do it LOTS of times. That's how friendships are formed-time with the people you want to be friends with. So just DO it.
Life doesn't have to be boring. All work and no play really do make for a dull existence. Go play and take family and friends with you.
Most importantly...God should be the center of our lives. If God is the center and we are grateful for what we have, and we always let people know this, people will not grieve for us when we are gone. Miss us? Yes. But grieve? Na, they will KNOW where we are.
Thank You, God, for my many blessings. Thank You for my family and the love that exists in my home. Thank You for our health and for security. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!
Church home and family are important. Over the last year, we have not been actively involved in a church and we have not really stayed in touch with people we called friends, at the one we left. I have really been feeling a void there lately. It left me wondering what we would do in difficult times without our "family". Now I am more convinced than ever that we NEED that family to support us in good times and bad and to be available to support them as well. We would get by without them, but it is so much easier with their love and support.
You must let your family know you love them. Sure you have to discipline your kids. Sure you can joke around with them. But it is vital for them to know you love them and are proud of them. They must be able to know when you are serious and when you are playing around. You can't let them think you are never serious because they will push too far and not respond to correction for thinking you are still teasing. Lots of hugs and warmth are imperative. Being involved in their lives is a must. Kids especially tend to think you don't care if you don't watch them accomplish and succeed.
The bond of friendship is seldom easy, but worth it. It's so hard to invite people over with the house a mess. It's even harder to get and invitation to someone else's home when you have lots of kids. So bite the bullet and clean house so company can come over. And do it LOTS of times. That's how friendships are formed-time with the people you want to be friends with. So just DO it.
Life doesn't have to be boring. All work and no play really do make for a dull existence. Go play and take family and friends with you.
Most importantly...God should be the center of our lives. If God is the center and we are grateful for what we have, and we always let people know this, people will not grieve for us when we are gone. Miss us? Yes. But grieve? Na, they will KNOW where we are.
Thank You, God, for my many blessings. Thank You for my family and the love that exists in my home. Thank You for our health and for security. Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!!!!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
US Bank, First Tennessee and a question
Yes this blog is going to be random for a while. Sorting things out means pulling out the junk and going through it all. So nothing deep or profound for a while. I need to chill a bit first.
It's things like this that have me so frazzled:
We were with this one bank. A large, don't-know-who-you-are-cause-your-just-a-number bank (cou-us-gh cou-bank-gh)and they charged us overdraft fees on a whole bunch of small overages after taking one large one. They could have paid the small ones first and only charged us for the one large one (one $39 fee as opposed to many). This led to months of constantly being over and being charges only to set us back even more. (No kidding this probably cost us close to a thousand dollars) When questioned about this tactic, they said it was a "customer service" so that if the large one were your mortgage, it would be paid on time. Excuse me, you're paying ALL of them and just charging me like you weren't. So what difference does it make if you pay one or the other first? Never mind that when you charge me multiple overdraft fees, you kill me financially so that I can never get on my feet again. Oh hell, I want the world to know. It was US BANK. The final straw was when they did it to my son for a measly 3 bucks. He was at school in East Tennessee and his mail is forwarded. It was 10 days before he found out about it and they charged him a freaking $9 a day on top of the $39 fee! Would not do a thing to help him. So we closed ALL of our accounts.
We then moved to First Tennessee. Now they have been real good to us except for one thing. Their bill pay sucks. When I first tried it, they took the money from your account as soon as you scheduled your payment. So I can't schedule a week out due to the fact that my money may not be in there until the day before! UGH! I get late payment fees cause I have to wait till I have money to schedule the payments, but it takes five days to pay. Okay after a year of licking my wounds from that one, I try again. It says to schedule five days out. So I schedule on a Friday to pay the next Friday with a due date on the following Tues. The money won't be there until the Friday on which I am scheduling the payment, but deposits are supposed to post before the payments right? Well, the money was withdrawn on the correct Friday, the deposit posted after the fact resulting in overdraft fees (this time only $10 each) and the payments were posted FIVE DAYS AFTER THE MONEY WAS WITHDRAWN resulting in another $39 each in late fees. After questioning this, they did refund the overdraft fees, but said their rules clearly stated to schedule payments five days out and they would NOT do anything about them. So I figure they are simply mailing my payments. I could mail my own and get them there on time without having money drawn from my account before the check arrives. They aren't helping me with anything but postage this way and if I am getting late fees everytime, they are way negating that. So I pose this question to anyone who will answer:
Do I change banks again? Or should I give them another chance? I mean, they are all out to screw you right? This is life from paycheck to paycheck. Anybody know of any banks that are fair?
I am forwarding this post to First Tennessee. I'll post whatever they reply. I am so sick of banks running the show. I still want to be fair with them, but USBank had all the time and opportunity to make things right. Stay as far away from them as you can.
It's things like this that have me so frazzled:
We were with this one bank. A large, don't-know-who-you-are-cause-your-just-a-number bank (cou-us-gh cou-bank-gh)and they charged us overdraft fees on a whole bunch of small overages after taking one large one. They could have paid the small ones first and only charged us for the one large one (one $39 fee as opposed to many). This led to months of constantly being over and being charges only to set us back even more. (No kidding this probably cost us close to a thousand dollars) When questioned about this tactic, they said it was a "customer service" so that if the large one were your mortgage, it would be paid on time. Excuse me, you're paying ALL of them and just charging me like you weren't. So what difference does it make if you pay one or the other first? Never mind that when you charge me multiple overdraft fees, you kill me financially so that I can never get on my feet again. Oh hell, I want the world to know. It was US BANK. The final straw was when they did it to my son for a measly 3 bucks. He was at school in East Tennessee and his mail is forwarded. It was 10 days before he found out about it and they charged him a freaking $9 a day on top of the $39 fee! Would not do a thing to help him. So we closed ALL of our accounts.
We then moved to First Tennessee. Now they have been real good to us except for one thing. Their bill pay sucks. When I first tried it, they took the money from your account as soon as you scheduled your payment. So I can't schedule a week out due to the fact that my money may not be in there until the day before! UGH! I get late payment fees cause I have to wait till I have money to schedule the payments, but it takes five days to pay. Okay after a year of licking my wounds from that one, I try again. It says to schedule five days out. So I schedule on a Friday to pay the next Friday with a due date on the following Tues. The money won't be there until the Friday on which I am scheduling the payment, but deposits are supposed to post before the payments right? Well, the money was withdrawn on the correct Friday, the deposit posted after the fact resulting in overdraft fees (this time only $10 each) and the payments were posted FIVE DAYS AFTER THE MONEY WAS WITHDRAWN resulting in another $39 each in late fees. After questioning this, they did refund the overdraft fees, but said their rules clearly stated to schedule payments five days out and they would NOT do anything about them. So I figure they are simply mailing my payments. I could mail my own and get them there on time without having money drawn from my account before the check arrives. They aren't helping me with anything but postage this way and if I am getting late fees everytime, they are way negating that. So I pose this question to anyone who will answer:
Do I change banks again? Or should I give them another chance? I mean, they are all out to screw you right? This is life from paycheck to paycheck. Anybody know of any banks that are fair?
I am forwarding this post to First Tennessee. I'll post whatever they reply. I am so sick of banks running the show. I still want to be fair with them, but USBank had all the time and opportunity to make things right. Stay as far away from them as you can.
Friday, February 20, 2009
On Octomom
My personal opinion? She messed up. But come on folks. Nobody has a cow about the welfare mom who keeps popping out kids just to get a bigger check so shut up and deal. At least this woman is having kids cause she loves kids. I have actually heard welfare moms say they needed to have another kid so they could get enough money to get a new car. If you aren't going to do anything about them, then leave this woman alone as well. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up when I hear even conservative talk shows talking about taking away this woman's babies and reporting her to child protection agencies. Hellooooooo, it ain't any of your business!
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
Just wanted to get that off my chest.
Sunday, February 15, 2009
The Devil Made Me Do It.
I'm going about my business and realize I'm eating something I know I shouldn't. Didn't even think about whether or not to pick it up. Didn't even think about taking that first bite, but here I am three fourths the way through it and I'm going to regret it later. Was it habit? Impulse? Instinct? What in the world made me do it???? I mean, I might as well have been on auto mode cause I barely remembered picking it up, much less the initial thought to do so.
So, I'm going about my business and realize that I'm thinking these thoughts that I know I shouldn't. Don't even recall what it was that got me on this train of thought. Not sure why I'm even thinking such a thing. I mean the person I'm thinking about is a friend and doesn't deserve those kinds of thoughts. I know that thinking this will only make me angry and miserable. I don't even have anything to base it on. But here I am in a full blown fantasy about getting back at the person. When did I even start thinking about that person? What on earth difference does it make if those thoughts are true or not? Why am I giving time to this AT ALL?
I heard something today. "Recognize your enemy." Yeah. I let him in without even thinking about it. Gotta start working on that.
So, I'm going about my business and realize that I'm thinking these thoughts that I know I shouldn't. Don't even recall what it was that got me on this train of thought. Not sure why I'm even thinking such a thing. I mean the person I'm thinking about is a friend and doesn't deserve those kinds of thoughts. I know that thinking this will only make me angry and miserable. I don't even have anything to base it on. But here I am in a full blown fantasy about getting back at the person. When did I even start thinking about that person? What on earth difference does it make if those thoughts are true or not? Why am I giving time to this AT ALL?
I heard something today. "Recognize your enemy." Yeah. I let him in without even thinking about it. Gotta start working on that.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Random gems is about to become more random
I'm not even going to begin to catch up. All I will say about the last year and a half is that I haven't had a cohesive train of thought in all that time. Who can write when they can't think? But lately, those little snippets of thought that sound literary have been making random appearances in my thoughts again and I need a place to store them. So until they start making sense again, my arbitrary thoughts will be placed here. Perhaps a pattern will develop and I will find myself in them.
That being said...
my mind has gone blank.
That being said...
my mind has gone blank.
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