It's been a long time since I was overwhelmed by diapers and nursing babies. For 12 long years I had at least one in diapers. Now, one is basically out of the nest and the next is getting ready to fly. My youngest is 10 now. Am I relieved not to have diaper duty and sleepless nights? YES, yes, a resounding yes! Am I no longer overwhlemed? I most definately AM! It's over different things now, but oh yes, it plagues me still.
But above all of that is the nagging sense that I am losing my babies. While I am of course, quite proud of their accomplishments and thoroughly enjoy watching them become young men and women, I can't help but draw inside myself as I watch them and try to remember that sweet little voice, or those chubby little smiles. There isn't a trace of that left in their faces now. It saddens me that I can't remember it. I have pictures. Oh you better believe I have pictures. I have about 30 of those boxes that are specially made to hold pictures-you know the ones that are about shoebox size and are acid free? Not to mention albums galore full of their pictures. I always thought that would suffice. But I find myself grieving that I can't recall it on my own. The images are just not there anymore. I remember them as children, but the details that I loved so are just blurs now. Like a really faded photograph.
Here they are all except for the oldest. Babies no more.